Saturday, November 21, 2009

Success Is A Choice

School starts in 66 days.  And I am slowly feeling excited again.  When I got out here, there was nothing I wanted to do faster than GET OUT, as Tony Kornheiser would say.  GET OUT.  (Incidentally, TK, I am moving close to the area.  We should hang out.)  I've even applied for jobs.  I almost (almost) want to stay. I know now what Ashley talks about when she says how hard this separation might be.  I didn't feel it.  I thought we'd be ok.  I'd go, we'd talk online, on the phone, see each other at spring break, and get back together when we were both done.  I never realized how much my heart would ache in anticipation on this separation, though.  I needed (and will continue to need) to learn to detach myself from this relationship in part.  To find some of the old me, who was ready to take on the world, overturn six colleges, and reform college athletics.  Get back to the Division III mentality.  Education first, then sports.  Sportsmanship, then winning.  But when we are smart, when we get good grades, when we raise funds, when we show the world that it can be done this way, we will win.

Haha.  I need a shrink.

But I am genuinely excited.  I get to work in Division III again.  I get to go to a real school again.  I get to have my own, huge room with no screaming children.  I'll get to be around some smart people.  No more suburbia for me.  (THAT excites me greatly).

I will miss Ashley terribly.  But part of me (the poor, unemployed part), knows this is a step I have to take to get to one of my goals.  So what is a little more student debt.  Peace Corps might be able to help me with it.  Car payments?  I'll find a job.  And I will succeed.

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