Monday, July 20, 2009

Hipberal

I am defining a new word today.  At least, I hope it's new.  Oh, that my brilliance may some day grace the sprawlings of Webster's, and that I may stand amongst my heros who define new words, i.e. Stephen Colbert (truthiness and wikiality).  Does this make me a neologist?  I hope so.  It sounds like I would have a Ph.D, and I very much like the sound of that.

My new word is Hipberal.   It is a portmanteau of Hip and Liberal, (Side note:  checked urban dictionary and found no existing definition.  Victory is mine!) and it is defined as such:  Excessive love of all Apple Products, organic food, theater, academia, engorging in giant intakes of mass media, pro gay rights, pro environmentalism, soccer, East Coast/New England living (though if you live in Southern California that's ok as well), social networking, music such as Dave Mathews Band, Phish, Oasis, and the like, and general undertakings to better ones self mentally and educationally.

I am recently laid off.  I worked for two years in the slightly unnerving world of intercollegiate athletics.  (Note:  As part of the severance agreement I signed, I am not allowed to make "derogatory" statements about the school.  Not untrue ones, but not negative ones either.  Therefore, the school will remain nameless for the time being.)  

This school helped very much to form my feelings of hipberalism.  By trying, like a parent who doesn't relate to a child very well, to make me a part of their collective of white males (with the occasional female and minority thrown in), they in fact, pushed me in the opposite direction (out the door).

The school was a fanatically conservative place, making poor decision after poor decision, watching their enrollment plummet, their bottom line evaporate, and with it, my job and salary (after September 27, 2009).  In their admissions materials, they promulgated their school as a place for those who "desired to obtain great personal wealth).  They recruited any student-athlete they could, as long as they met minimum admissions requirements, only to watch them wash out miserably as they tried to balance the school's difficult academic regimens with their athletic pursuits, while PAYING some of these kids tuition in the form of academic scholarships!  

This not only shaped my thoughts and feelings towards hipberalism, but also towards the role of athletics in education.  Athletics needs to supplement academics.  It simply cannot be the flagship for any post of higher education.  Do not mistake me:  I am fully for success of all kinds at institutions of higher learning.  I understand the possible necessity of an athletic scholarship paying the way for an underprivileged youth to go to college.  But too often, at the small school level, students pursuing these forms of help are nothing but mercenaries, searching for the best offer.  Even at the NAIA level there is a belief that these kids will go to the pros.  

I realize I am tangenting here.  Bear with me.

Schools should not be subsidizing education for the betterment of their athletic programs.  And this should be across the board, both at schools (whether it's Webber International University or Weber State) and athletic departments (where the women's soccer team has a collective 3.3 GPA while the men's basketball team hovers at a 2.1.)  Make kids pay for school!  They will value it that much more!  Increase some financial aid if they maintain or improve their grades.

This is not to say that professional sports should not be a vocation.  But instead of forcing students through schools that they ought not be attending, open up sports academies a la the IMG academy in Bradenton, Fla., where they can pursue school and their dreams of professional athletics.  Heck, have the teams run the schools in cohesion with the local education department!

But I digress.  Let's get back to hipberalism.  Why can't sports and higher education be cool?  Why must it be such a drab mess of conservative dress, speak, and thought?  I can't count the number of times I was teased for wearing a pink shirt to work.  Why do we have to use PC's when a Mac is more environmentally friendly? (and you can get them to run dual-processors, so those Windows lovers can still feel ok.)  Why do we need such rough and tumble hip hop blaring as our warmup music when we could have relaxed but upbeat techno and house? Let's not be like our past.  Let's be different.

I'm expecting a call from Colbert's producers any minute now.  


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