State of the Soccer

So the field is set for the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa.  I remember when I first fell in love with soccer.  For anyone my age who didn't grow up during the failure of the NASL and Pele and the New York Cosmos, etc, soccer in America really began in the 2002 FIFA World Cup in Japan/South Korea.  Now I know some older heads may point to the hosting of the FIFA World Cup (internationally mandated to be the FIFA World Cup, as if, if I didn't call it the World Cup, you wouldn't know what it was.  Might get it confused with that other European sport Americans follow so often, rugby.) in 1994 or the creation of MLS in 1996, but the game never REALLY got popular until 2002 when Donovan, Beasley, Mathis, Stewart, McBride, and Friedel captured the hearts (and coffee machines) of American soccer geeks with a surprise run to the quarter finals of the tournament, and really, a poor Scottish refereeing decision away from a chance to play in the semi-finals.

ESPN quickly jumped on board, and like it or not, at least they show national team games and major tournaments, creating a big desire for more coverage in America.  Of course, the 2006 FIFA World Cup was a major disaster for both the national team (two losses, one point, out in the group stage), and ESPN (pilloried for their AWFUL announcers), but a solid showing at EURO 2008 restored some of the network's credibility, Josh Elliot not withstanding - see below.

So now we are about 200 days away from the kick off of the next one, which I think the Americans will perform well at (though probably not win), for a couple of reasons:

1.) History - America has never done well at a WC played in Europe (Italia '90, France '98, and Germany '06).  But in USA '94 and Japan/South Korea '02 they advanced out of the group stages. Every other World Cup has not been in Europe and the USA has advanced.

2.)  There are actual world class players on this team.  Other teams have had good role players and players that have stepped up at certain times, but in Tim Howard, Landon Donovan, and Clint Dempsey, there are players who could play for almost any team in the world.

3.) A feeling to build on success from the Confederations Cup.   The CC is a microtournament with representatives from each confederation, the hosts, and the previous WC winners.  Not a true representation, but a decent measuring stick, including a win over Spain, and the showing of tremendous heart.

4.) A feeling to want to make up for the poor showing at 2006.  A lot of players realized that they could have been on the brink of losing the casual fan if they had followed up the WC 2006 showing with a dud at the CC (and it nearly was).  But they have regained some trust of the fans, and if they get a decent draw, I could see a quarterfinal or possibly semi-final appearance.

Will the USA miss Charlie Davies?  Of course.  Oneywu should be healthy too, as should DeMerit and Marshall.  My roster right now?

Goalies:
Tim Howard, Everton
Brad Guzan, Aston Villa
Marcus Hanneman, Wolverhampton Wanderers

Defenders:
Oguchi Oneywu, AC Milan
Carlos Bocanegra, Rennes
Jonathan Spector, West Ham
Jonathan Bornstein, Chivas USA
Jay DeMerit, Watford
Chad Marshall, Columbus Crew
Edgar Castillo, Tigres
Steve Cherundolo, Hannover 96


Midfielders:
Michael Bradley, Borussia Monchengladbach
Benny Feilhaber, AGF Aarhus
Ricardo Clark, AS Livorno
Maurice Edu, Rangers
Clint Dempsey, Fulham
Stuart Holden, Houston Dynamo
Jose Francisco Torres, Pachuca
Jermaine Jones, Schalke 04

Forwards:
Landon Donovan, LA Galaxy
Jozy Altidore, Villareal
Eddie Johnson, Fulham
Conor Casey, Colorado Rapids

Interesting players left out?  Frankie Hedjuk, DaMarcus Beasley, Freddy Adu.  If anyone can work their way in, it's Beasley.  Maybe at the expense of Jermaine Jones.  Beasley is not hurt - just out of form (hasn't played enough),   Adu is too young, and Hedjuk is too old, most likely, though few on the USA roster are better than Adu on the ball, and Hedjuk is a wily veteran.  Injuries could shake things up though, even as we pray for more smarts and less sneaking out after curfew.

http://www.soccerbyives.net/soccer_by_ives/2009/11/sbis-mock-world-cup-draw-10.html#more will provide a link to a sample draw.  I think it gives us a decent chance to get out of the group, though I would hope to get in the first group, where the hosts are played.

Success Is A Choice

School starts in 66 days.  And I am slowly feeling excited again.  When I got out here, there was nothing I wanted to do faster than GET OUT, as Tony Kornheiser would say.  GET OUT.  (Incidentally, TK, I am moving close to the area.  We should hang out.)  I've even applied for jobs.  I almost (almost) want to stay. I know now what Ashley talks about when she says how hard this separation might be.  I didn't feel it.  I thought we'd be ok.  I'd go, we'd talk online, on the phone, see each other at spring break, and get back together when we were both done.  I never realized how much my heart would ache in anticipation on this separation, though.  I needed (and will continue to need) to learn to detach myself from this relationship in part.  To find some of the old me, who was ready to take on the world, overturn six colleges, and reform college athletics.  Get back to the Division III mentality.  Education first, then sports.  Sportsmanship, then winning.  But when we are smart, when we get good grades, when we raise funds, when we show the world that it can be done this way, we will win.

Haha.  I need a shrink.

But I am genuinely excited.  I get to work in Division III again.  I get to go to a real school again.  I get to have my own, huge room with no screaming children.  I'll get to be around some smart people.  No more suburbia for me.  (THAT excites me greatly).

I will miss Ashley terribly.  But part of me (the poor, unemployed part), knows this is a step I have to take to get to one of my goals.  So what is a little more student debt.  Peace Corps might be able to help me with it.  Car payments?  I'll find a job.  And I will succeed.

I think I could listen to Octopus's Garden, by The Beatles and just feel good about everything in the world.

On The Road To A Better ESPN

Most people want to go to Europe, I would imagine - most, however, would not go simply to watch a soccer game they could see on TV in their own country.  Only if you lived in SIBERIA would you consider doing such a thing, and yet here I am, looking up ticket prices to Athens, Madrid, and Hamburg, so I can watch the World Cup without ESPN's pandering to every sports fan in America.  There is a reason soccer is an elitist sport.  You need to have more than a modicum of brain cells to understand the game.  (I am not comparing it to American football, which you also need to be vastly intelligent to play.  Knowing what X Jet Y55RDelta Tampa QR4 means is pretty difficult).  But the way ESPN talks down soccer to a dull sludge that only a numbskull would understand, especially with Josh Elliot, who is an absolute MORON, leading the charge, is disgusting.  Elliot, by the way, is ESPNs token soccer fan, much the same way that Chris Berman is supposed to appeal to the every day white American and Stuart Scott to the African-American populace.  Make no mistake - I am trying to do this to spite ESPN, and for no other reason.  ESPN's coverage is actually going to be decent, because they listened to everyone who said that Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa were garbage in 2006, and they listened again to the same people that said Adrian Healy and Tommy Smyth and Andy Gray were good in 2008.  They did something great, and hired Martin Tyler once Sky Sports went bankrupt to have him do the American, English, and other major games (presumably the World Cup semi finals and finals).  But the coverage leading up to the World Cup is what irritates me.  I grew up on ESPN.  I remember when it had a hint of common sense, when Dan Patrick, Keith Olbermann, and Rich Eisen worked there.  Now it clamors for viewers with desperate ratings ploys like Who's Now.  So their so apparent obviousness to capture the soccer viewer in America is what irritates me.  And THAT'S why I want to book tickets to Madrid, Athens, or Hamburg.  Actually, I'd really like to go to London, sit in the Emirates Stadium with my Arshavin jersey on, and see if America could make it out of the group stage while listening to Jon Champion.

I just finished watching Hoop Dreams, and I wanted to leave a thought here before it left my head.  No one can say that the job of the coach at St. Joseph's High School isn't laudable.  For a kid like William Gates to be able to come out of the ghetto, have a private school education, and get a scholarship to a place like Marquette is wonderful.  But the attitude of the coach, and the largely purveying attitude of all coaches at that time, both in high school and in college, at least for major programs (sorry for that poorly constructed sentence), is that you can never do enough.  You can never give enough heart, effort, commitment.  You could have done so much better if only... and it seems to be, really, to make the coach look good.  To boost his ego.  When does it stop?  When does "working with kids" end and "boosting my own personal success" begin?

Myles Brand , President of the NCAA died yesterday.  I'm going to try not to personalize criticize the guy.  I never met him, never knew him, and the only thing he did that I personally didn't care for was his firing of Bobby Knight when some punk provoked him.

But on the NCAA's webpage today, there is a memorial to everything he accomplished in seven years as Executive Director of the NCAA.  One of those is "having an unofficial goal of having 80% of all student-athletes graduate."  Furthermore, it goes on to say that "Division I student-athletes have stepped closer to that goal every year, with the most recent data showing 79 percent graduating within six years." 


Doesn't that seem grossly underachieving?  4/5 of all student-athletes in Division I graduating in SIX years?  Shouldn't the goal be four years?  And 100%?  Maybe if the number of travel trips were restricted - ie - for football, traveling outside your conference no more than once every two years, or for basketball, no more than two a year.  Maybe set milage limitations.  Or restrict travel for basketball during holiday periods only.  Maybe then we'd go alot further to improve that graduation rate.

Man I love College...

One of my newer favorite books is The American College Town, by Blake Gumprecht . It's almost a doctoral thesis, doing research on what defines the college town in America.  (I have to read it in pieces in the University of Kansas bookstore since I can't afford the hardcover copy.  If you buy me a book , make it a hardcover please.)


It cheered me in the book that one of the college towns that fit Mr. Gumprecht's definition thereof was Hanover, N.H., where I spent the years 1986-2006, with various stops across the river in Norwich, Vt., junior college in Randolph, Vt., and finishing out my degree in Keene, N.H.  I love Hanover.  If I got a job at Dartmouth, I would move there immediately and never leave.  Forgetting the fact that my parents live there - there are so many great things about that town.  It's intellectual, it's beautiful, it has a phenomenal school system (of which now five Osheyacks are a product of, with four more [at least] to come.), but most important of all, there is a sense of achievement that permeates the town that thrills me to my very core.

I remember being young, and watching my parents' friends who were in medical school or working on their MBA at Tuck and how successful they seemed.  How the world seemed at their feet - because of their education.  Looking back on it now - I can't help but draw inspiration from it.

It's why I want to live in a college town.  It's why I want to work at a college.  It's why I want to raise children in a college town.  It's why living in a town like the one I'm in now - and I am, truly am, grateful for having a roof over my head and for the experience of living in a small midwest town - drives me crazy sometimes.  There is no pursuit of intellectualism.  There is no feeling of individual success.  And that's fine - who I am to criticize how people live their lives?  But it's not for me.

That's why I can't wait for school.  I feel motivated for the first time in a LONG time.  Maybe ever.  I know what I want out of life.  I know a lot about myself that I didn't know two months ago.  I can't wait till January.

PS - please buy me the book?

How to turn a conservative into a liberal without really trying...

Or how I turned into one.  This probably won't work on any hard-core conservatives.  But if you can find a moderate, like I was circa 2007, you may have a winner.

When I made the decision to move to South Florida in 2007, I never once thought how my mediocre college grades would have landed me there.  I had always been a firm believer in work over thought, even though I always thought I was smarter than everyone else.  I graduated from college with a 2.56 GPA, never thought much of it.  I had the job I always wanted at age 24!  Some people work for 10 years before they get the title I got.  But I was desperate when I accepted the position.  My original job had fallen through, I had moved in with my parents again, and this was the first offer I got.  There was a 0% chance I wanted to back to Florida.  None.  I didn't even have a car.  I lived on two different peoples' couches for six weeks before I had a place to live.  I didn't even know how I was going to back to Florida to begin working until when, as I was in the airport flying home after my interview, I heard a call for my flight say it was overbooked and Airtran was offering free flights for those who would give up their seats.  I did, and I did.

And I started work.

And I rather liked it, for the most part.

I'm not going to delve into every instance of what went wrong or right at XY University. (XY because I signed a severance agreement, and who knows if this is "defamatory" or not.  I'm not taking any chances.)

But I did notice, almost upon beginning, a very "company" routine, if you will.  A X>Y>Z power chain, that I was a part of, that did not deviate from protocol, a very soulless part of a machine used to suck dollars from student's wallets while feeding them an education based on a very conservative dogma of free trade and enterprise.

Little hint that I knew they were conservative:  Something about their intolerance of big government.  Stunning.

They propagated this cogs in the wheel mantra by hiring plenty of their own alumni.  At one point, the following people in the organization were educated by that same institution:

The Director of Human Resources
The Director of Alumni Relations
The Director of Public Relations
The Assistant Director of Public Relations
The Registrar
The Assistant Business Manager
One Academic Advisor

Now I will admit, my experience is higher education is slim.  I've worked there for three years.  I don't have a Ph.D (yet), and have never taught a class.  But I did grow up in the shadow of an Ivy League school (freaking DARTMOUTH, for crying out loud).  I did attend a pretty fine liberal arts school (although as noted, I didn't really apply myself) that actually did hire the occasional alum (though not this one.  Still love ya, KSC.  Someday I will donate.)  I still, somehow, doubt, that when an institution has seen enrollment plummet for five straight years, would consistently hire people educated in that same system.  Does that make sense?  Let me put it another way.  When students are leaving your institution at a rapid pace, I wouldn't hurry to scramble up the ones that do stay and put them in important positions at the school.  Just me.

Back to politics.

The more and more I became disgusted at my work environment, the more and more I realized that XY was doing nothing but taking money from kids and not giving them an education, the more I realized that some thing was very wrong.  This was not what education was.  This was the Wal-mart of education.  OK, BJs.  Expensively priced but utterly worthless.  Decisions made at the highest level were not ever fully explained to the specific persons on the respective campuses.  People with far reaching levels of celebrity were championed over those who thirsted for common sense and respectable marketing decisions.  People without educations at all were hired in critical spots because they were friends.  Exceptions were made for student athletes not even on account of their talent, but because of who their coache(s) were.  Student-athletes who could not keep a 2.0, or even a 1.0 were kept eligible, while others who saw their GPA dip from a 3.75 to a 3.5 were cast aside.

It soured my very spirit.  It was so disheartening to watch children, some brought from across the globe, be so poorly treated on their studies.

I changed political ideologies because of this.  I changed it because I know that this cannot be the way that education is headed in this country.  I know this is but a small example, but I am forever changed by it.  I want to dedicate my life to teaching and education in a proper manner.  To truly touch a young person's life.  To ensure they exit college with a proper blend of educational, competitive, and life experiences.  Not to promote an embarrassment of financial riches, but to make an honest effort to change the world.

Thank you, XY.  You have made me see the light - truly.

For those of you who like completely inane questions, here is one about me.  What are the two words I have more trouble spelling than any other?

A:)  Marraige.  (Marriage)

B:) Exersize. (Exercise)

Ready for another question?  (That's a question in and of itself, so here is the third and actual question.)  Which scares me more?  B.

I hate exercising.   I hate running.  I hate lifting weights.  I hate being at the gym watching juicers spurt more pimples while they bench 275+ lbs while I am pushing 60 on the arm machine with my little twigs.  I hate running on a treadmill with no apparent purpose or reason.  (Side note:  I know there is a reason - getting healthy, but it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel when you are lifting your feet like a guinea pig on a wheel in a cage.)  I can't concentrate on music - I am constantly changing the songs every 15 seconds.  

But since coming out to Kansas, and being consistently bored, since I can't find a job of any kind in the midwest, I've started exercising, both out of a need for some kind of entertainment and a 10 year desire to lose this ponderous belly I've acquired during my disdain for physical activity. 

I could occasionally lift weights from time to time because I could see results.  Even after one day, I felt stronger, and after a week, my girl was purring like a kitten at my newfound MUS-KULLS.  Rowr.  

But even after a day of walking and running, then 3, then five, there was still not even the smallest of changes to my midsection.  But after about 7 days, there was a nudge.  Maybe half an inch gone?  I don't care.  It's progress.  

But this is what I've learned.  It's SLOW progress.  You can't lose weight overnight.  And even if you accept that - it's not enough.  I need to repeatedly pound it into my head.  Case in point.

Sunday night, we went to Black Hoof Park and walked to the dam, then ran back.  I killed it.  It was the best I've ever worked myself, probably since high school football.  (I wish I could go back and just go through training camp.  Lose 20 pounds and get it over with in 2 1/2 weeks).  I felt on top of the world.  The next night though, we took it easy and went to a slowly building community across the street.  Lots of hills.  We weren't even running, and I felt like garbage.  I was getting shin splints, cramps, my back hurt.  I had to ask Ashley if we could cut it short.  I was embarrassed.  I was angry at myself for quitting.  

But I need to keep reminding myself what a slow process this is.  I start graduate school in January.  That's going to be a slow process.  I need to keep a 3.0 or better just to stay in.  I need a 3.5+ or better to get into any doctoral schools.  It's a LONG process.  I could be in my mid-30s or early 40s before this leads to any fruition.   But just like losing weight, I can do it, slowly but surely.

Stay away from the steak crostada. Feeling pukey.

In the olive garden in Macon, Georgia. Town is hopping.

Omelette with sausage, peppers, onions, cheddar, and a glass of grapefruit. Totally exhausted. We will be at least 2 hours behind after this.

In Orlando at the ritz carlton. Place is huge. Going to eat in a room with 5 balconies.

On the road - Orlando soon.

Side Note

You may see some small, twitter-esque blogs coming from this site from now till sunday.  I will be housesitting for two days, then driving across the country for two more.  

Havin' Ham, Makin' Bacon

I live (for at least three more days) with a soccer coach and a bartender.  In the grand scheme of things, compared to my profession (or lack thereof), those are pretty masculine jobs.  

So it was of little surprise to me when, in preparation for the move, I went downstairs to see what I could cook up before we left that I was given a bit of stick for cooking.  I settled upon a box of carrot cake.  Simple enough.  Add mix, three eggs, one cup water, 1/2 cup vegetable oil, bake for 40 minutes, et voila, carrot cake.

As I headed downstairs, one of my roommates was already there, fixing up a delicious meal of microwaveable beef stew.  Yum.  As I began my delicate task of shearing open the plastic bag of cake mix, he asked me "Baking again?", not with any real malice, but with a sort of internal surprise that I would subject myself to actually cooking food.   After all, I had already baked a load of brownies that turned out horrible, and about 100 chocolate chip cookies that were a real hit.   

I had just woken up, so I was feeling a bit groggy, and mumbled something about trying to use up all the food we had bought before we left, to which my roommate gave a slight chuckle before absconding with his masterpiece from Lloyds.

I had just finished greasing the pan and pouring in the mix when my second roommate and his girlfriend came down in search of some nibblies.  As they proceeded to toast single pieces of white bread, butter them, then slap on a piece of cheese, another round of inquiries followed:  "What are you cooking now?  You're a proper housewife."  I maundered that "kept man" was the term I preferred, and popped in the cake and went upstairs.  40 minutes later, the cake was done, and I enjoyed a piece.  Light, fluffy, yet with just the hint of box store normalcy that would let anyone know I had not made it from scratch.

So between these two studs, and a couple of other friends that I'm a little closer with that I don't really mind the teasing from - I've received quite a bit of ribbing for my enjoyment of cooking!  And I want to know what the big deal is!

I like to cook, and I'm a guy.  Emeril is a guy.  Mario Batalli is a guy.  Guy Fieri is a, well, guy.  And they like to cook!  Does it make me less manly to want to cook?  Is it that I cook for my girlfriend a lot?  Am I embarassing you tough jocks who don't know how to show your girl a good time?  Or maybe it's because I can't afford a Bahamas cruise for my girl (yet) as a way of showing affection?

Sorry, I had to blow some steam off.  I hate doing that.  

What's wrong with being a guy and wanting to cook?  

Of Possible Futures

Being laid off sucks.  It's boring.  I routinely watch 2-3 movies a day, and then I sleep, wake up, eat dinner, and sleep again.  Occasionally I'll go to Ashley's work, but her co-workers drive me so ridiculously insane that I often wish I had never come.  Ashley also usually wishes she hadn't brought me. 

(Side note:  Anyone good at math?  If a painting is 30"X90", and canvas costs $2.50 per square foot, how much will the 30X90 canvas cost?  I will explain this later.)

I've tried many things to fill my time.  I've looked up friends from WAAAAAY back on facebook.  All the way from middle school.  I started this blog.  I cleaned up the room. I made up a new word (see previous post) I made falafel(s) last night.  I bought the new book on David Beckham and finished it in two hours.

I'm still skull crushingly bored.

Being bored leads to a lot of introspection.  A lot of thought about how I ended up like this (laid off).  About what I want out of the rest of my life.  About how I'm going to get it.  About how the United States is going to win the next World Cup.  (OK Abe, time to lay off the oxycodone.)  How I want to be a professor, an AD, a political progressive, and a servant leader all in one.  How I want to marry Ashley and raise two or three kids.  How I have to pay off my car and student loans before some of that can happen.  At the risk of sounding totally Generation X (which, btw, I found out I am a tail end member of), adulthood, well - sucks.  Not as much as being bored though.

Yo soy tu gummy bear.  

I'm considering joining the National Guard.  Nine weeks of basic training.  Oy.  9-12 weeks of Officer School.  All, shall we say, cons.  The idea of resocialization scares me to no end.  If I have any thing left, it is who I am.  Am I will to be broken down and remolded to pay off my student loans?  To go to graduate school for free?  

On the other hand, assuming I am not internationally deployed - one weekend a month, and two weeks a year isn't that bad.  On top of an enlistment bonus.  And a steady paycheck.  And no debt (till I get a mortgage).  

Color me undecided.   

Hipberal

I am defining a new word today.  At least, I hope it's new.  Oh, that my brilliance may some day grace the sprawlings of Webster's, and that I may stand amongst my heros who define new words, i.e. Stephen Colbert (truthiness and wikiality).  Does this make me a neologist?  I hope so.  It sounds like I would have a Ph.D, and I very much like the sound of that.

My new word is Hipberal.   It is a portmanteau of Hip and Liberal, (Side note:  checked urban dictionary and found no existing definition.  Victory is mine!) and it is defined as such:  Excessive love of all Apple Products, organic food, theater, academia, engorging in giant intakes of mass media, pro gay rights, pro environmentalism, soccer, East Coast/New England living (though if you live in Southern California that's ok as well), social networking, music such as Dave Mathews Band, Phish, Oasis, and the like, and general undertakings to better ones self mentally and educationally.

I am recently laid off.  I worked for two years in the slightly unnerving world of intercollegiate athletics.  (Note:  As part of the severance agreement I signed, I am not allowed to make "derogatory" statements about the school.  Not untrue ones, but not negative ones either.  Therefore, the school will remain nameless for the time being.)  

This school helped very much to form my feelings of hipberalism.  By trying, like a parent who doesn't relate to a child very well, to make me a part of their collective of white males (with the occasional female and minority thrown in), they in fact, pushed me in the opposite direction (out the door).

The school was a fanatically conservative place, making poor decision after poor decision, watching their enrollment plummet, their bottom line evaporate, and with it, my job and salary (after September 27, 2009).  In their admissions materials, they promulgated their school as a place for those who "desired to obtain great personal wealth).  They recruited any student-athlete they could, as long as they met minimum admissions requirements, only to watch them wash out miserably as they tried to balance the school's difficult academic regimens with their athletic pursuits, while PAYING some of these kids tuition in the form of academic scholarships!  

This not only shaped my thoughts and feelings towards hipberalism, but also towards the role of athletics in education.  Athletics needs to supplement academics.  It simply cannot be the flagship for any post of higher education.  Do not mistake me:  I am fully for success of all kinds at institutions of higher learning.  I understand the possible necessity of an athletic scholarship paying the way for an underprivileged youth to go to college.  But too often, at the small school level, students pursuing these forms of help are nothing but mercenaries, searching for the best offer.  Even at the NAIA level there is a belief that these kids will go to the pros.  

I realize I am tangenting here.  Bear with me.

Schools should not be subsidizing education for the betterment of their athletic programs.  And this should be across the board, both at schools (whether it's Webber International University or Weber State) and athletic departments (where the women's soccer team has a collective 3.3 GPA while the men's basketball team hovers at a 2.1.)  Make kids pay for school!  They will value it that much more!  Increase some financial aid if they maintain or improve their grades.

This is not to say that professional sports should not be a vocation.  But instead of forcing students through schools that they ought not be attending, open up sports academies a la the IMG academy in Bradenton, Fla., where they can pursue school and their dreams of professional athletics.  Heck, have the teams run the schools in cohesion with the local education department!

But I digress.  Let's get back to hipberalism.  Why can't sports and higher education be cool?  Why must it be such a drab mess of conservative dress, speak, and thought?  I can't count the number of times I was teased for wearing a pink shirt to work.  Why do we have to use PC's when a Mac is more environmentally friendly? (and you can get them to run dual-processors, so those Windows lovers can still feel ok.)  Why do we need such rough and tumble hip hop blaring as our warmup music when we could have relaxed but upbeat techno and house? Let's not be like our past.  Let's be different.

I'm expecting a call from Colbert's producers any minute now.